Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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