I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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