We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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