And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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