so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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