You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Randomize