seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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