I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize