I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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