He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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