Sry I called you an 8
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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