When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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