we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize