this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize