I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize