Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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