Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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