Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He felt like a one man threesome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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