my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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I think people are normalizing furries
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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