hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize