Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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