Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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