my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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