oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm passing your future prison.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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