Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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