but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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