I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize