We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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