Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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