Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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