I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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