you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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