Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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