Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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