you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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