I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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