my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize