the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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