I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My pussy is not your playground.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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