Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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