I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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