well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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