Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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