at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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