I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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