So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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