I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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