I faked an abortion last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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