so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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