Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize